I CAN'T SAY I'M AN ATHEIST…
BECAUSE
EVEN THOUGH I DON'T EMBRACE MOST
OF WHAT THEISTS EMBRACE
I STILL CAN'T LET GO OF…
MY UNCERTAINTY
I CAN'T SAY I'M AN ATHEIST…
BECAUSE
EVEN THOUGH I DON'T EMBRACE MOST
OF WHAT THEISTS EMBRACE
I STILL CAN'T LET GO OF…
MY UNCERTAINTY
I am a truck
I was created in a factory in Michigan
I have been in existence for over a decade
In all that time no one required me to change the colour of my paint
No one said I was to big or too little
No one told me I should have had leather seats instead of cloth
No one replaced my engine because it wasn’t powerful enough
No one asked of me anything more that what I was built to perform
I have fulfilled my purpose by carrying a person from one place to another
I am a truck
I am not a human body
Humans are not content with the paint they received at the factory
Humans are not happy with their size
Humans are not satisfied with their interiors or their engines
It seems that humans are in a constant process of changing their body
Maybe they forgot the purpose of the body was to carry their person from one place to another
I am a truck
I could care less what other trucks look like
Their paint, body size, seats, and engine don’t change my purpose
I am created to carry a person from one place to another
Nothing more
Nothing less
I am a truck
© Ruby Neumann
Poet's Note: Written May 7, 2022, 1:17 am... when my body should have been sleeping. My head was spinning this early morning trying to wrap my thoughts around my own paint job and the paint job of others. I tried to process my need for an engine change when the engine I have works fine. I tried to understand why leather seats were more desirable than cloth seats. Why is my interior not enough? What is my purpose? What is this body's purpose? Is it not simply to carry me from one place to another?
This analogy may only apply to one 2011 Ford Escape that is parked in my yard at this very moment, awaiting the next opportunity to carry me from "one place to another". Other trucks don't have what my truck has… only purpose. Other trucks have been modified to please their human. Other trucks understand what humans are like. But my truck sees all that as nonsense. My truck can't understand why paint colour matters, why tire size matters, why engine performance matters. My truck is more enlightened that I am. My truck understands life more than I do. My truck could teach the world a great lesson.
Maybe
I'm not the one to lose my tears
Maybe
I am the one to say it's time
Maybe
I'm the one that is right
Pain
How much do I bear
Life
When do I let go
Love
What if it's not strong enough to keep me here
How
Do I apologize to the ones I love
How
Do I ease their pain
How
Could I have done this to them
Maybe
I didn't think about them
Maybe
I couldn't think about them
Maybe
I just did it.
© Ruby Neumann
Poet's Note: April 30,22 ... Naomi Judd's life ended. I am sad today.
"Today we sisters experienced a tragedy. We lost our beautiful mother to the disease of mental illness. We are shattered, We are navigating profound grief and know that as we loved her, she was loved by her public, We are in unknown territory." Ashley Judd
I don't blame Naomi. How can I blame her? I am sad, but I understand her.
Who is Naomi to me... but a reminder of what is possible for me down the road. There are others who are in pain. There tears matter. Their bleeding hearts matter... They are the ones who lost.
Wynonna, Ashley, Larry... to name three who are in pain, trying to navigate life now without Naomi. What moved me so much was that Naomi took her life the day before her and Wynonna would accept the honour of being inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. Wynonna and Ashley stood on the stage together as Wynonna accepted an honour that was to be shared with her mother.
What will Mother's Day be like for Wynonna and Ashley. My heart goes out to them both. This was not the journey they signed up for.
Beautiful Bernice
love filled mother
Beautiful Bernice
adoring grandmother
Beautiful Bernice
treasured friend
Beautiful Hands
tickle the ivory
Beautiful Hands
caress my face
Beautiful Hands
pray for me
Beautiful Face
smile for me
Beautiful Face
countenance of joy
Beautiful Face
let me take your picture
Beautiful Voice
sing to me
Beautiful Voice
calm my fears
Beautiful Voice
whisper hope
Beautiful Heart
i miss you so much
Beautiful Heart
i remember
Beautiful Heart
your love remains
© Ruby Neumann
When Love is all I have left
Will I be okay
When I bury the rest
In a grave today
I can’t kill Love
It doesn’t die
It never breathed
Like him and I
Love gave the breath
That gives me the chance
To walk, to sing
To write, to dance
So today I place
In a dirty hole
That which died
A long time ago
And Love remains
Eternally
It doesn’t die
Because it never breathed
© Ruby Neumann
Poet's Note: Written today... April 15, 2022... Good Friday. Today marks the end of the "Atheism for Lent" course. Today will be the end of something very significant in my life. As I ceremoniously bury it beneath the budding lilac bushes, may I find something blooming soon amid in the fresh lavender coloured blossoms. May I find Love still remaining.
Already I found Love showing up this morning in a beautiful white blanket of snow. It was calm, peaceful and I will be okay.
"I don't know" doesn't mean that I can't imagine
"I don't know" doesn't mean that I don't have any idea of what might be
"I don't know" doesn't mean that I can't interpret life with understanding
"I don't know" doesn't mean I am clueless
"I don't know" means I gave up certainty
"I don't know" means that my love for others is more important than me being right
"I don't know" means I am small, not weak
"I don't know" means there are more important things to do with my time
"I don't know" doesn't mean I can't believe
"I don't know" doesn't mean that I can't trust
"I don't know" doesn't mean that I can't hope
"I don't know" doesn't mean that I can't wonder
"I don't know" means I am human
"I don't know" means I am limited
"I don't know" means questions are more important than answers
"I don't know"… means "I don't know"
© Ruby Neumann
Creator of the Cosmos
Nameless One
Breath of the Universe
Somehow the Sun shines
The Rain comes
And the Garden grows
And I find gratitude
in the Core of my Being
Strength on my Journey
Companion in my Struggles
Present in Wind
In the Birds
In my Cats
In every Molecule of Nature
Not Above or Below
but Around
In and Through.
I don't ask that my Pain be removed
I don't ask that my Loss be returned
I don't ask for that which I haven't worked for
I don't ask
I only Breathe and Love and find You.
© Ruby Neumann
Poet's Note: Written April 1, 2022
Today of all days I write this. I wonder if I was the fool for understanding less than this. For understanding a God as only a dude. For embracing a God as a vending machine. For thinking that as a human being, I am superior to the other organic lifeforms that contain all the presence of the Creator.
My choice of a bull thistle for this picture is one of an expression of unwanted torturous beauty.
I understand
the value of mining
the gold in me
but what pure purpose is there
to convince anyone else
of that internal treasure
If there is indeed
worth on the inside
that which needs to be known
by anyone but me
then
let it ooze
from the cracks of my fortress
in the oil of my character
not from the hole
in the middle of my face
© Ruby Neumann