May 7, 2022
I guess I have to date this, because like the changing seasons in Alberta, so is that which I would label as "my beliefs".
First and foremost I am a poet and a writer and I believe that words matter. I am reluctant to admit that I am unilingual in the worst language on the planet for describing what is innermost and important to me. That's right… I am from Alberta, Canada where we speak Canadian English for the most part.
* * *
So when I talk about believing, what does that mean according to my horribly deficient language.
believe: accept (something) as true; feel sure of the truth of.
And that brings up another conundrum, as Pilate asked when he was interrogating Jesus (or so the story goes). "What is truth?"
truth: the quality or state of being true.
Okay, that was helpful (NOT!)
true: in accordance with fact or reality.
fact: a thing that is known or proved to be true.
GREAT! I am on a verbal roller coaster.
This is where I admit I am most comfortable labelling myself as Agnostic. "I don't know" are my three favourite words. Let's try this metaphor on for size:
"I am an ant in an anthill that doesn't feel it is her job to figure out how big the yard is."
Confession: I have a problem with truth as a concept. I am more comfortable saying "I don't know" or "I am not sure." than to ever claim that I am the holder of some semblance of truth. Maybe that means that I will err on the side of ignorance. Well so be it. I graduated from Olds College with a diploma in Agriculture, not from Harvard Law. I don't think I'm that smart, but maybe it is because I'm not that confident.
I like the saying… "I'd rather be loved than be right." I just heard Wynonna Judd quote that in an interview. There is something profound about that.
* * *
Okay… that took a page and I'm no where closer to saying what I believe. Maybe believe isn't the word I need. Maybe I need to peruse the English language for something I can quantify.
What matters to me?
What do I treasure?
What do I value in life?
What do I have confidence in standing up for?
Great… now I can make a list.
1. People
2. Critters
3. Nature
And somehow wrapped up around all three of those is Love. Now I need to define Love. Love, in my understanding, is that which makes this universe move. It is the wind in my sail, it is what makes me lay aside my agenda and embrace someone else in their need and in their pain. Love allows me to embrace my people and my critter family and friends and give of myself to ensure that they can live another day and find joy and peace and purpose while they breathe. In doing that, I find joy and peace and a purpose while I breathe.
* * *
Trying to wrap my head around the nature of the cosmos requires more brain energy that I feel I have accessible to me in my mid fifties. So I am left to say "This makes sense or doesn't make sense to me." at any given moment. I don't know for certain about much anymore, but some things make sense and I am okay to run with an idea based on that. Now I can take information given to me by others and run it through that filter. Let's pick some examples.
1. The Earth is 4.543 billions years old
I don't know that as a fact or truth, but I would like to believe that the Grand Canyon was carved in a massive amount of time, because that is how I see things unfolding in my life. So the 4.5 billions years makes sense to me. Rivers move and carve paths through the material that is in their way. To hold to a belief that "God" spoke and the Grand Canyon was created… doesn't leave me with a great feeling of awe and wowness at how time changes a landscape.
2. The diameter of the observable Universe is 93 billion light years.
Okay… I haven't been to an observatory lately, but do we really have a telescope that can see that far away? And then if that isn't possible from earth, the other option is sending a satellite out as far as it can go and have it send some numbers back to earth. I have a hard time thinking that is possible, because of the lack of good cellular service here on earth. But what do I know? So I am left to imagine what could be. I would rather err on the side of "really big" than "measurable to mortal humans".
3. Man descended from monkeys?
Okay… this premise doesn't sit well with my 99 yr old Mennonite Great Uncle Don. He wants to believe he was created in the image of his "Abba", and not Abu. (Aladdin reference). My love for critters would give me energy to imagine that maybe that isn't as far off of a possibility as one might think. But if I was a monkey and looked at the current human race, I wouldn't be excited at the possibility of a connection.
* * *
I am back to feeling not that smart. I may have no choice but to ditch an archaic expression of religion or faith, because I'm two thousand years past the story, but to embrace all the science out there only seems like a need for a replacement… ergo another religion. I don't need another religion any more than I need someone's "truth" that is feels more like opinion. Science for someone like me, is only another thing I have to believe. If I was a scientist, that would be a different story, but I am not. I am a poet and a lover of people, critters and nature.
* * *
I am going to end this with a song chorus that pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter. (the chorus links to the song)
"Nothing is black or white, it's grey and everything changes and that's okay.
Everybody's left or right it seems, but none of them are looking our for you and me.
Just got to be honest and give away love and walk to the beat of your own damn drum.
Or maybe you should take everything that I'm saying' and let it go;
Cause the older I get, the less I know." Dan Rodriquez.
