If you die this year
I won't know how to grieve
So many mixed up thoughts I have
And so much yet to fear
Already we are separated
Like a death unto its own
Locked away, you are still removed
From my love and from my home
The letters, cards and flowers
Aren't enough to ease my pain
Though the sun still shines today
Tomorrow it might rain
No one knows
When freedom will come
When the masses can gather
When we again can be one
But if you die this year
How can I process that
Yours will be one more funeral
That I'll be barred from being at
© Ruby Neumann
Poet's Note: written Feb 5, 2021
2020 came and went, and two funerals in my family occurred that I would gladly have driven six hours with my mother to be at. This hell is not over yet. More people will die and more loved ones will be refused entry to the one place they need to be to mourn, to comfort family, to say goodbye.
I have a lot of faces in my mind and loved ones in my heart that I don't want to lose during this time. I want to see them again, and when they die, I want to be with their family when they are remembered. I guess what really is at the soul of this… I will feel like I don't matter enough to those people. I am too far down the line to belong to the sacred few that will be given admittance to the memorial service. That is what I fear. That the day will come and I will be left alone at home away from my family feeling like I don't matter. And when I look at those relationships that I have had with those special people, I know that is so far from the truth.
