* A letter to the Readers of “Still Broken”... Eleven years later



(written February 13, 2019 - March 17, 2019)


Eleven years ago, I published the book you now have in your hands.  A lot has changed in eleven years and I want to share an update with you. 

My first declaration is this... I am not the same woman that wrote the book.  Something in me wants to make sure everyone understands this.  I have desire to be known, I guess.  If that wasn’t the case, then I wouldn’t have spent a dime on publishing.  When I go back and read poems that I wrote, I say to myself.  “I wouldn’t be writing that today.”  And that is true.  “Still Broken” came out of me at a time in my life when a lot of things were different.  So do I retract the writings just because it isn’t who I am today?   I don’t think so.  There are people still on this journey that have been inspired, blessed or helped by something in this book.  Maybe it isn’t me anymore, but maybe it is still them. 

So what has changed:

 -  I am married.  As I write this, my husband and I are nearing our tenth anniversary.  When I compiled the poems for “Still Broken”, I was very single, and when I wrote the poetry in the book, I was very single.  Ruby Voigt was a very different person than Ruby Neumann.  

 -  I am not committed to any institutional or organized “church”.   I still drop in sometimes but only to see people, and generally not to participate in the programs.  Church has been and always will be about people for me.  My choice to back away from being committed to an institution or program, is not a bold blanket statement that institutional gatherings are wrong or unnecessary.  This is a personal choice and one that I am free to make.  It is my desire to see people bloom where they want to bloom and where they feel free to bloom.  The obligations of humanity are much to restricting for something as beautiful and free as life and the core of who we are.  

 - I am older.  I am on a journey and,  as a lot of writers have testified, the journey changes a person’s perspective.  What I have written in the past is a portrait of only part of my journey.  This is not something that I wrote that was to define me for all my life, most of these poems are but moments in my life.  And I will say the same about the poetry I am writing now.  They are also moments in my life. 

 - I am grieved to see people more focused on their believed destination than just being travellers on the journey of life.  If the Creator went through so much effort to build this Universe... maybe it warrants a little more appreciation and effort from us to live here while we can, instead of believing this is only a stepping stone to something greater.  Maybe this is "the greater" and we are wasting our time holding out for something that we have no reality of yet.  It doesn't make sense to me to spend 365 days of the year wondering what my Christmas present will be and miss all the other gifts that come my way during the year.  

 - I have a very different perspective on the subjects of prayer and worship.  

Prayer:  This has become simple for me.  So simple that I don’t even call it prayer anymore.  I just talk to my Creator and sometimes I believe my Creator talks to me.   Prayer has been called many things in life, but simple... well maybe it is better if I don’t call what I do “prayer”.  

In my opinion, the picture of prayer has been painted with so many ritual brushes, that it is no longer a term I can freely use to call my communication with my Creator.  There are so many rules and regulations surrounding the practice of prayer that I am sure I would break most of them trying to keep up, so I don’t try anymore. 

Worship:  Again, a word I don’t use to describe my actions or my life, because, like prayer,  it has been painted with so many of those ritualistic brushes.  Wayne Jacobsen shared his thoughts on this subject and I figured that he says it better than I could...  

“Someone sent me another Tozer quote, that is probably much truer today than it was when he wrote it. This one is from the preface of “The Pursuit of God” 

‘To great sections of the Church the art of worship has been lost entirely, and in its place has come that strange and foreign thing called the ‘program.’ This word has been borrowed from the stage and applied with sad wisdom to the type of public service which now passes for worship among us.’

Tozer was definitely a man after God’s heart, with a passion and unbridled honesty that still resonates today. We have absolutely destroyed any meaning to worship in our day when we think that it is anything we do on a Sunday morning involving songs, vocalists, instruments and light shows. Worship is how we live our lives in Father. How we love our husbands, children, the obnoxious person at work and strangers on the street is closer to real worship than anything having to do with songs.
Don’t get me wrong. Singing and making melody in our hearts to God together is a special thing to. We can call it adoration if we want. But calling it worship, destroys the real term that belongs in every-day life, not something we do once or twice a week.” 

When I wrote the poems in the book... they were written when I had a different perspective of prayer and worship.  Prayer and worship were very ritualized for me and because of that, I didn’t have the picture that I am seeing now. 

Maybe I will sit down again with the book and find some nuggets that I can still carry with me on my journey.  “Still Broken” is a portrait of a time in my life.  I am thankful that people still find inspiration and encouragement from it’s pages.  

So thank you for picking up this book and please join me in my new poetic venture on line with https://thepreciouspoet.blogspot.com.


Ruby (Voigt) Neumann

(Edited March 7, 2020)